about a boy

When Eli was growing in my belly I was pretty sure he was a boy.  So sure, in fact that when Loren announced "It's a girl!" at his birth my first words were, "check again." During Eli's pregnancy in the rare moments I was able to sleep through the intensive tae-kwon-do routine that was going on in my uterus I would have these crazy action-hero dreams.  Like I'd be skydiving into a flaming airplane where I would need to rescue 20 people and fight off terrorists in hand-to-hand combat.  Stuff like that.  So not my style.  And while It may have crossed my mind sometimes that perhaps we would get a laid-back kinda boy... I knew deep down it wouldn't happen.  Some things you just know.

 Eli's verb these days is "DO."  A hundred times a day he brings me something and says "do."  Put on a shoe, peel an apple, change a diaper.  Fix a page he just ripped out of a book.  "Do, mama, do."  It seems fitting.  He is a non-stop do-er.  As is evidenced by the way our house looks most days by 10 am.

But this do-er has a snuggly side to him.  He has taken a shining to this bear "Helicopter, " a hand-me-down with a mysterious name given by a two-year-old Sadie.  It might have been the name that attracted Eli to him in the first place (or possibly the belly-button) because when Eli can't find Helicopter he sleeps with a magnet with an actual helicopter on it.  He likes to hold the bear real tight and say "deeeeze" which is his word for squeeze.

Eli gets a lot of squeezes these days, because sometimes, it's all you can do to save your sanity.  His state of perpetual motion is something to be reckoned with.  Water cup dumped in plate, hands splashed in that water,  giant mess.  Every. single. meal.

Kitchen cupboard unpacked, pot lid flung frisbee-style across kitchen straight into eggs on counter. Epic mess.

Bath time.  You'd think bath time would be neat.  It is either a combination of water being splashed out of the tub--or inappropriate items being added to the tub. Or both.  Recent casualties have included a hair dryer, and a well loved book of dad's "Flying with Floats."  Didn't make too good of a splash landing.  Praying our bathroom floor holds up.  Washing lots of towels.

This week Loren and I have been attempting to renovate our sunroom--just paint and put in a new floor really.  The project is a source of endless fascination for Eli.  He just wants to do.  He watches carefully as I use an exacto knife to cut the molding from the wall before I pry it off.  Without a word he disappears into the kitchen returning with the carrot peeler and proceeds to "remove" the fins from the wall heater.  As we install one plank of flooring we look up to see that he has scribbled on no less than 7 freshly painted walls with a carpenter's pencil.  I should have looked when I heard him saying "paint, paint, paint!"  It's so frustrating, and yet also understandable.  The world looks different from 18-months-old than it does from 33.  I am quite sure that most of what could easily be written off as mischief is actually an attempt to contribute to our household in a meaningful way.

It is a challenge.  Every day with this guy.  I was thinking about it in a brief moment of solitude this morning.  Actually, I was thinking of my youngest brother, on a freighter somewhere between here and Japan, and how as a little guy he never slowed down.  He had a true desire to move and learn the world around him kinetically.  It can be hard to parent this kind of a kid (ask my mom, she can tell you all about it x4) but it can also be so rewarding when their energy is directed into a worthy cause.  Of course, Eli is going to need to work hard and use his hands along side his head and his heart.  I'm not exactly sure how this will look over the years, but I know what it doesn't look like, which is a lot of time spent in front of a screen watching violent images and playing video games.  I feel like that would most certainly spell disaster for a boy as inclined to rough and tumble as Elias.  It is probably a saving grace that he has a big sister who is currently into everything fancy.  As I type this Eli is sporting a Disney princess tattoo on his bicep and wearing a pink t-shirt.  (Thanks to the random lady at the hardware store for introducing my kids to fake tattoos and Disney princesses in one fell swoop! Do those tattoos ever wash off?!)

I'm going to watch this boy so many times, caught between a nag and a sense of outright wonder and amazement at what he is doing.  Today it was standing  in a box on the teeter-toter, on top of the couch (Loren had set it there to vacuum).  Sometimes there just aren't any words.  But lots of times there are, and those words need to be positive, affirming ones.  I can see how important it is to shower love like that on a kid who could easily make you yell and want pull your hair out 20+ times a day. 

Every morning Eli sits straight up in bed and says to me, "wake!"  After all, a new day awaits. Why linger in bed, right?  Then he goes out to the kitchen and tells Loren who is usually up making coffee "Joe!"  He helps his dad (and sis) bring me a cup of coffee and hauls his favorite books into bed where he flings them over to me too roughly (usually spilling some coffee) and snuggles in for a read. In these sweet moments, with only a little spilled coffee burning my arm, I feel like the luckiest mama in the world--call it what you will, snips & snails, zen or straight up grace, whatever it is...it's good stuff.

The Bigger Picture

As I write this I am enjoying a quiet house (Loren put himself to bed with the kids) and a cup of herbal tea.  There have been very few moments of stolen solitude this month.  February can be a tough month for me, smack in the middle of winter and prone to the post-holiday blues etc.  I vowed to make it different this year, and different it was.  We came down with round two of the stomach flu.  I didn't even know you could get it twice in a winter. You can.  That knocked me out.  For two weeks.  I was so tired I could barely get through the days.  I think it terrified me--a glimpse of what it would feel like to not be able to care for my family and self--that threw me into an emotional tail spin and just as I was getting back on my feet the kids came down with a hacking cough, irksome enough to keep us all awake at night. I did my best to snuggle them and humidify them and use homeopathic remedies galore.  I even slathered them in garlic-infused coconut butter before bed (this actually kind of worked, and made them smell like scampi).  It seems like--knock on REDWOOD--that everyone is on the mend. Except that poor Eli is now undergoing a major sleep regression.

 He has decided he is too big for naps, and after a crappy 30 minute morning nap he refuses to sleep for the rest of the day. I might be more willing to roll with it if he weren't so fiercely grumpy.  Like sister looks at him wrong and he flings himself onto the floor in a writhing tantrum of agony grumpy.  Ugh.  It's not pretty.  And nap time involves an hour of screaming, thrashing and pleading--and that's just my role.  All this attention aimed at the youngest has left the eldest out of sorts, and she has decided to embark on a journey of a thousand whines.  I'm not going to lie.  I have locked myself in the bathroom more than once this week, and turned the fan on just to have the impression of quiet.

Weeks like this are hard.  They make it hard to see the beauty in the journey. It becomes easy to loose sight of the forest for the trees, as the saying goes.  

But these little people who have pushed me beyond my physical and mental limits this month also anchor me with the daily reminder to celebrate small triumphs.  A peaceful bedtime, a dinner cooked that everyone ate and enjoyed (so rare these days).  The delight of a pocket full of Valentines brought home from preschool.  Polka-dot socks and a twirling dress.  A hot cup of joe in the morning.  Pine cones.  It doesn't matter how many pine cones there are in the world, Eli picks each one up and treats it like its the finest treasure in the kingdom. 

And isn't that how we should approach our days?  Each one a precious gift--a rare treasure to be clutched tightly even though it will inevitably crumble a little in our awkward, well-meaning fingers.  Many times this week I have had to scrape myself up out of a self-pitying heap and remind myself of this. Take a breath, start over.

I know that someday in the not-so-distant future I will get to have an uninterrupted conversation with another grown-up.  Go on a date with my husband.  Make some friends here in Palmer.  Finish some of the house/woodworking/sewing projects that need to be done.  But for now we just need to find our rhythm again. 

and we will.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Words by Robert Frost

Photos by Tara

Spectacular fall colors and children by God.

Elias turns one

At this very hour one year ago I was 42 weeks pregnant and feeling pretty down in the dumps because I was fairly sure that I was never going to have my baby. Little did I know that in just a few hours as a blue moon was rising I would naturally deliver an 11 pound baby boy at the Geneva Woods birthing center.  The arrival of Eli was swift.  One minute I was in labor and the next minute I was holding a yollering, red-faced baby in my arms--that's how this little man made his entrance into the world--full of vigor and ready to let everyone know it.  After a year of getting to know this guy, I think that part of his personality is very much the same.  He is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kinda guy.  His happy is a BIG happy, and when something is amiss, well...he lets you know about it.

But more often than not it's the big happy that we see these days.  In the last month or two Eli has really developed a snuggly side, and he is working so hard on being gentle...which is a challenge for a baby his size with very fast reflexes and the astounding ability to grab with a deadly sense of accuracy.  We will all breathe a collective sigh of relief when he learns that noses, lips and eyes are not detachable from people's faces.

He is an observant little guy and he loves to be outdoors.  He examines things with an intense focus.  And he has an impressive associative memory for someone his age.  I see the wheels of language development spinning around in his little brain--that point and look to someone for a definition motion over and over again. 

It's so interesting watching the way your second kid puts things together--a whole different process in many ways than your first.

 But of course, Eli's point of view is bound to be different because he will never know a world without sister Sadie there.  Sometimes I wonder if it gives him just a little extra sense of security.  He seems to rest easier than I remember her doing...but it could just be that he needs the rest because he is always on the move.  always.

And this is his motion posture.  His chest is in a whole different time zone than the rest of his body, and it arrives at all appointments just a few seconds before he does.  It cracks me up--kind of reminds me of a rooster. 

We had a quiet celebration of Eli's first year on this eve of our little guy's birthday.  Some gifts decorated and wrapped by big sister (she decided to gift him with a dinosaur and a mama gorilla with a baby on her back--very Godzilla & King Kong Loren pointed out).

A peach pie, and a boquet of flowers from the garden.

lots of help with the unwrapping of gifts

and testing them out

In true one-year-old form his favorite thing was the stickers on the wrapping paper.

But the peach pie came in a close second.  We sure do love you Elias.  Your first year has been an adventure and a gift and we are looking forward to many more to come. 

 

And of course, I must post this picture of the birthday boy in his birthday suit so that when he is a teenager he can roll his eyes and be all embarassed when the family photo album gets dragged out and dusted off.  Be thankful son...at least you aren't rockin' a mean mullet like your mama did...

yet:)

Eli at 10 months

Can it be 10 months already?

but it is!

The time has flown and this little guy seems to learn new things daily.  

He is steppin'  --not walking yet, but so, so close.

He is talkin' "mama, da-da, dee-dee (Sadie) ni-ni, ah-da (all done)"  

He is one rough and tumble little bear.
He even had his first mosquito smack-down yesterday.  Finally, the kid gets some revenge!
 

This month Eli has really started to play.  He is a very compliant companion (to a point) to Sadie's various flights of imagination. Tonight he was undergoing an extensive checkup, including shots and a lot of "this will only hurt a bit" from Dr. DeeDee.

But make no mistakes, when Eli has had enough, he lets everyone know.

Self-advocacy is the gift of the second child :) 

Probably good that his big sis wants to be a doctor, considering that this month Eli managed to chip his front tooth (he's only had the thing for a couple months!) and slice the gums over the neighboring tooth.  I wish I knew how he did it, but being the climbing, body thrashing wild thing that he is, we didn't even notice till probably a couple days later. At least the chip isn't too bad: the only one who really seems to be suffering from it is breastfeeding me.  This kid... he nips, like a puppy, when he gets excited.  I get the most nips, cause I'm the mom, and therefore, the most exciting :)

But I also get so many snuggles.  In the last couple months Eli has really gotten cuddly.  We are loving it.  And we are loving this guy more and more as every month goes by, and with each milestone that passes.  It's hard to imagine life without him.  We are filled with gratitude and wonder each and every day...even when he storms the greenhouse and tries to pull up the plants. 

eight months

Eli at 7 months

 This busy boy is 7-months-old today {well, technically, yesterday} This month Eli has mastered crawling and pulling himself up to standing and getting stuck there.  His favorite objects of attraction are the fireplace, the vacuum cleaner and the electrical outlets.  Coming in a close second are wheels, fans, and trucks.  He still doesn't like to eat babyfood, but he does like to chew on broccoli florets and drink broth.  He also tried some cheesy, milk-ladden potato soup when mom wasn't looking.  According to Sadie, he really liked it--but according to how much he threw up afterward, his tummy didn't.  Maybe he's just sticking to his breastmilk diet until he can enjoy the real good stuff.

He has also decided to stay true to Auntie Kiki's predictions, and is growing in a thick mop of this strawberry blond hair.  It's preeety cute.   This month he has developed a bit of separation anxiety, and his favorite place to be is in mom & dad's arms...but he warms up pretty quick to grandparents, aunties and uncles... not nearly as reserved as I remember Sadie being--as in--Eli actually will let someone besides me hold him.

 

Which is nice. So are all the cute babbling sounds that he makes... and the happy morning baby bear maulings that are appreciated by everyone... well, everyone except my little non-morning person, who pulls the blankets up over her head and says, "Just drink your milk Eli."

What can I say Eli--mornings just aren't everyone's thing.

Happy monthiversary Eli, we do love you so.

green day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  It was a green day for us which started out with a delicious Paleo Eggs Florentine, and commenced with many long-overdue house projects, and a few cute kid cameos thrown in for good measure.  I hope your Irish eyes were smiling today.  I know ours were.

growing up, up, up

I think kids have comparable growing habits to plants, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.  The more sunshine, fresh produce and exercise they get the more they grow.  This explains why when we got home from Hawaii both my children seemed to have outgrown everything they owned.  It happens--the only thing I shed a tear for is the handmade-sweaters & gifts.  and the shoes---hard to be thrifty when your kid goes through 3 shoe sizes a year, and you can't really cheat by getting their shoes way to big because then they trip all over the place, not that I've...um... tried that or anything.
   I love my little hobbits.

This little guy is now crawling all over the place, teething like crazy, and needing a lot of "mama re-charging" in his not-crawling time.  I guess I am a docking station for my kids. And this girl...

So sweet, and sassy, and silly. 

Sometimes I look at these two and it's like a part of my most secret heart has grown a life of it's own, walking around outside me and becoming something more beautiful, more complex and vulnerable than I could have ever imagined.

And the things this girl says. 

oh, my.

When trying to open a sealed freezer ice pack with a wooden spoon: "Mom, we need a different tool for this job.  I know, let's get dad's chainsaw!" {eek!}

At bedtime when we snuggle she pets my hair and tells me that I'm her "most special mom in the whole world." 

When she gets a time out she says, "weeeeel, mom...I'm frustrarated about this."
The other day she told me she was lonely, and that I needed to grow a sister in my tummy so she can have someone to play with...

and when a sister comes out we can put Eli back in there. 

And the final verdict, after much deliberation on her part is that we should keep Eli--which is good, because there is no way he would fit back in my tummy now.

Just sayin.'
besides, I think he will make a pretty darned good friend.  He just needs a few months to learn to walk, and talk, and keep up with the girls, right? 

half a year

I has been six months  since Elias has graced our family with his winsome baby self.  In half a year Eli has grown to be 23 lbs, and 30" long.  Major milestones this month are sitting unassisted, almost learning to crawl, and growing two toofers--which he decided to do the day we left for Hawaii (literally) which made for a fussy & very long flight for mom.  Eli's interests this month: splashing, yelling, growling and being involved--somehow--in whatever Sadie is doing.  He also likes to be in his Ergo carrier a lot.  Once at that height he  uses his lightening fast reflexes and long reach to grab and throw things off the counters and other reachable surfaces.  He loves anything loud and exciting (aka cousin Killian).  He does not love sitting still.  Eli has tasted a few solid foods this month, none of which have pleased his discerning palate except for caribou.  Good thing dad's going hunting for some more of those next week; I get the feeling that by the time this kid turns one he will be able to eat a whole one by himself. I can hardly believe that half a year has already gone by--it is an every-day kind of wonder to get to know this small human and to treasure these moments and milestones, each and every one because man, do they go by fast.

 We love you so Mr. Baby

Elias at four months

At four months old Eli is as jolly and Rubenesque of a baby as you could possibly wish for.  Get a load of those cheeks! No matter how much we nibble them they just keep getting bigger.  (Also, when we do this Sadie scolds us saying, Eli not food!) Big developments this month--Eli really, really wants to sit up and be a part of the upright world.  Still working on that, but at least he thinks the tipovers are good times.  Rolling over is now routine, and the super puking abilities of this kid have been downgraded to just moderate puking.  Other big news, Eli discovered his penis this week, and like 99.9% of all males in the world, he is pretty excited about it.  It sure makes diaper changes interesting, I'll give you that.  This kid has a good sense of humor, and his favorite comedian at the moment is his sister.  It doesn't matter what she does, it gets him to chuckling, which makes her laugh, which is a sweet sound to this mama's ears.  Happy four months of life little big guy, we sure do love you!

snow days

After a very dry and windy early winter here in Palmer we finally got our wish for a white Christmas.  A really white one if all this snow sticks around. It does my heart good to see snow falling straight down for a change, and landing on trees even! We have been out playing with the grommits.  Sadie got her first sled today, and after a couple runs down the pasture hill, Loren towed her all around the trails in our woods while she sang "Jingle Bells" at the top of her lungs.  Christmas with a two-point-five year old  is so awesome.  Eli only adds to the merriment by stealing my qiviut cowl and looking oh so cute and photogenic.

and just for fun...dug up these pictures of Sadie's first December. I am a lucky mama to have so many sweet memories with my little girl, and to be making new ones with this little man.

Wishing you all a beautiful holiday season.  Cherish this time with your loved ones--hold them close to you heart and say a prayer for all the grieving families in Connecticut- may they find some peace and comfort.